mustafa gandhi!

after school today, me and taa went to little india to buy 60metres of cloth. hahaaaa. now which part of that sentence sounds oddly off. me and taa? little india? 60metres of cloth? haha. syafiq was supposed to come follow us but he pangseyed us in the end and went to get ben&jerry's free cones at novena square WHICH i dint get to have in the first place bcoz taa was adamant about the fact that we go to little india straight and not stop anywhere else. BISH! he even refused to stop at an eating place even though i told him i havent eaten the whole day ah! lousy friend. but anw, taa is very animated and i laugh at him so many times until i not hungry already. hwahwa.

anw we bought the cloth already (which turned out to be damnnn light for some reason) and went to mustafa (PARADISEEEE!!!) and bought stuff.. then while we were waiting for hanif's reply for the list of props, we went to the FUN PARTY AREA (omg it's damn fun) then i made taa put on different hair accessories. KEKE. ok have fun laughing ur ass off.

taa: "ah ni boleh pakai jadik pedang!"

macam dayak sesattt!!!

MOHAWK TERBALIK! HAHAHA!


taa monroe.

HAHA!!! like wth rite. i know. ahaha! one of the pictures is blur coz i laughed so hard the phone shook so badly. haha! okie.

OKIE RANDOM PHOTOS! (hoorah ive started photoblogging again!) here comes!

and im starting to love every single one of them more and more each day <33!>

ooh the event that i never did talk about! ARENA! ri vs hci. hwahwa! NICHOLAS (guy beside me) is SOO CUTEE AND COOLIXSHITS!

universal cuteness <33!!>

my clean study table. go infer.

ladeedoo.

i need more ideas.
i need more daydreams to inspire me.

haha. here comes.
im so losing focus in everything else.

A! BOO!

PEAK!

im writing this post with a smile on my face. Although i've been at better drama pracs, today's was somewhat special to me bcause im starting to see a change in attitude in the casts so much so, i feel super touched.. I dont know if fawaz's "skipping training for drama" (and when arif went like "skipping training over drama?!" then fawaz said PEOPLE ARE PAYING TO SEE US ACT!) or arina's "im starting to have faith for drama" made my day. I mean im working for this, to hear stuff like this. And im starting to see it. Although it's not coming from all casts.. it's still something. and i feel partly accomplished because it's comments like these that make my efforts and all those latenights worth their while. it's comments like these that make me have hope. and it's comments like this that makes me feel like im not taken for granted. it's not too late yet to instill.. we still have a week more. i need to make this happen.

to end, THANK YOU FAWAZ AND ARINA FOR MAKING MY DAY TODAY!
haha!

ps: fads and farhanah are such awesome triangler and angklunger! haha!

stop pms please.

there should be a limit to how much i can rant and whine! but there isnt a limit to how many things that make me wnat to rant and whine is there. sigh. whats new. life..

today RG vs SJI match was quite disappointing.. i thought RG was heading the right way and the stupid judge who went up and did the pengulasan said 'secara keseluruhan....(smth which made it look like we won). but no. SJI won. it's like a dejavu all over again.. shit i hate losing. I guess whenever we lose to SJI, it's rather uncalled for. Everyone's rooting for RG, knowing that we'll win but in the end, SJI wins. That was the case 4 years ago. omg 4 years. it seems like it wasnt that long ago. Ironically, that time, i never 'remember' or made friends with te SJI team huh.. Agung and Sebastian's team was very friendly. They were there btw! I talked to agung for a while and a hello to sebastian.. still very nice people.

As much as i am trying not to rant, what can i do, im pmsing or dmsing as arina would put it ha-ha. so mind me, i need to let this out. I cant stand people who snap at others for no rhyme or reason. Something about me may irritate you and i dont give a damn. You jolly well dont snap at me for no reason at all and jsut bcoz you just feel like it. You DONT act like a smart alec in front of me and act like you are the smartest kid in town bcoz frankly, you're NOT, lady. I cant stand people who condescend others like theyre sooooo perfect and when others tell them off for their mistakes, they react in the most ungraceful way. So, before you want to comment on others, do look at yourself first and reflect. Although i am full of comments and critics for otehrs, i try my best to not blurt it out into their faces bcoz i know that im not that perfect at all. Hence i learn how to reserve my comments.

So why not, you do the same?

100% pure rant. dont read if you're not up for it.

whats up with people who think they are such big shots and simply simply simplyyyy refuse to comply? personally, i really cant stand these people because firstly, they make my life miserable, and secondly, they make my life difficult. I know I sound highly self-centred.. but that is exactly what i need to be.. i need to think more about myself rather than to jaga the hati of people who dont appreciate my work and simply simply simplyyyy take me for granted. seriously, what problems have you? you think you are of a different level from the others? you think you are indispensible? you think you dont need to follow protocol? but here's what im telling you. as much as you think you are so much needed in the scene, you need to realize that ur reputation lies in our hands.. you need to realize who's the authority here.. you need to realize that there's a limit to how cocky one can be. i dont give a shit if there's potential. if the real substance isnt shown, how am i to be convinced of your ability? gosh. telling people that they've got potential is the last thing u can tell someone cause it just makes them freaking laid back.

the school should really consider paying their leaders for their work. and if the school did, i'd be quite rich already.

i know how ive been ranting and whining in my entries nowadays. but thats just how life is now. it sucks like totally. eff it ive not cursed in months. now you've just given me a reason to.

dramamamamamama

oooh gosh. the used-to-be 847539847593457297 worries in my mind have now been reduced to ONE. ONE ONE ONE. i cant think about anything other than drama.. i know this sounds bad.. and also good at the same time since i have only one thing that worrying me now.. but the extent in which it's worrying me is worrying (if you just understood a word i just said). i mean it's really worrying that im not worrying about anything else like for instance, my history term paperSSSS.. one of which is due on monday and the other, next friday.. AND.. my econs essay test which will be on monday.. and dont know what other long term shit. like seriously, there's nothing in my mind right now other than drama.. even when the tuition centre called me up just now and put me on hold then there was this instrumental music u noe.. and i thought OMG this song is perfect for a scene in the drama! (and i actually considered asking the person where i can get the song but then realized later that she wouldnt give a shit about it)

like things cant get any worse.. there's been a lot of challenges for us and they keep piling up. First, the booking for pac on the 21st which dint get through, then the rugby semis which falls on our first (of the only 2) fulldress pracs at PAC, and other individual problems which shudnt be mentioned here (coz i will sooo look like a beast if i do).. SHEESH. this is bad. words just cant describe how screwed i am..

on hindsight, it's soo gonna be over after 2 weeks.. (omg 2 weeks like what the hell) and i will live my Alevel-oriented life after that.. which reminds me.. i need to get something done right after that... oh wait we still have got CIP to worry about. sheeesh.




thats what it is now. for me.
think,eat,sleep drama.


and im hoping sooooo badly that it's not just me.

dream dream dream..

i had an afternoon-mare while taking a nap today. it was kinda scary. but it was only scary when i woke up because it was scary how i reacted in that dream... have u ever had that feeling where you dream of smth.. and in that dream.. you did something or reacted to a situation and when you wake up, you find NO REASON at all why you should have acted that way..

for eg: You dream of a friend going out with a guy you used to like.. then u cryyyyy your lungs out.. But in the dream it seems like you still like the guy.. but in reality u dont.. .... It's different from the really dumb dreams about jumping down a building coz ur friend's pet hamster died. There's a slight nuance.

so once u wake up, u go like "What the hell.. why the hell did i cry so badly?" partly because you're ashamed of urself for the possibility that u still like the guy rite? But also you wonder if it's just the friend herself.. maybe the problem lies with her and not the guy.. But why do u mind her so much?

hey hey i wanna be a rockstar

i woke up early today! surprising. i had a nightmare. i just forgot what is was. hrm..

drama prac yesterday was a GREAT improvement from the previous prac wooooo! happy! But we shall not be complacent since there's still a long long way to go from here.. Ah.. i really want this to be pulled off nicely. haahaaa i kept laughing at the dinner table like randomly when i remembered arina's reaction/expression when arif went rough on her in scene 6 hahahaa! it was damn hilarious i nearly peed. oh well.. maybe it isnt a bad thing afterall.. they monkey around.. at least they enjoy themselves. as long as there's progress i shudnt give a shit about it shud i. hrmm.

what is up with 'so called'. dont u get irritated when people talk and they insert 'so called' as frequent as commas appear in the sentence. For instance.. The so called bus driver so called drove us to the so called villa so that we can have our so called holiday. Seriously, what is with this so called shit?! you distort the meaning of the word so called. If it's a so called bus driver, so what is he REALLY? a monkey? It makes the sentence lose its meaning doesnt it? But there's an exception! i'd believe you if you say.. "im a so called econs lecturer who gives so called lectures to students who so called listen to my lectures, so called attentively." AH.. now I will believe that. like totally, so called.

To end off..
A kickass song. =D


This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want a brand new house
....
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me
...
I'll need a credit card that's got no limit

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

money money money

trauma!

the never-before-arrived bank statement arrived at my doorstep today and of all people who read it, it was my mom. like i know right. it's as good as chopping my head off the head-chopper board.. whats it called.. smth whcih starts with the letter g. but anw.. i never really reflected on my excessive expenditure for the past 5 months or so.. hence, when my mom found out that over $2000 (seriously i didnt know i spent that much hahaaa) is kinda gone from my bank accnt she made me promise that i would get back (i realyy dont know how) every single cent i spent the past 5 months. coolioshits. i need a job. let's rob billgates. any interested accomplice?

drama prac with 2 people is super productive. but im getting nightmares about drama. really scary ones.. for instance: acting for a play (on the real day) without having gone for a SINGLE drama prac and i was completely clueless about what lines i was suppsoed to say and kept asking my felllow acting-mate what i was gonna say ON STAGE. omg u know how scary that is? super scary. i mean think about it, it may be a nightmare for the actor her/himself but it's a bigger nightmare for the audience who's watching it right. ahh. i hope we pull this off.

to end off.. some shit i created:
(with reference to the uber cliche 'life is but a stage')

In life,
God may be the scriptwriter
But you're the director
It's really up to you
How dramatic you want it to be


so stop blaming fate for everything!

a crossroaddd

my pantats hurts so badly. i just ran my 2.4 yesterday although i totallyyyy dint plan to have the run bcoz of funny embarrassing reasons he-he.. ok i tell.. it's bcoz... i dont want to waste it away.. as.. i will.. fail.. my.. 5 items.. he-he. but ms seetho was adamant about the fact that I RUN BCOZ THEY HAD TO JOT DOWN CERTAIN CERTAIN dataaaaa.. which i really thought was redundant.. i mean isnt better if i pass my 5items first thennnnnn take my napfa. totally senseless man. so it was my worst run ever in the history of the last 6 years. hwahwa. history. totallyyyz. .... on hindsight, my shoelaces went loose at the 3rd round. ok how is that even a hindsight. ahhhhhhhh im losing my mind. shnitz i need to set my priorities right.. like really really..

i'll dread thursday.. i need thicker skin to bounce off all the shame and embarrassment. anddd i guess i'll be needing a year's supply of salonpas after thursday. i'll paste 10 on my pantat everyday yes? hwa-hwa.

s.i.g.h

in every cycle, there ought to be ups and downs... where im at now, it is comparable to the floor of the ocean. and where i need to be at sometime-donoe-when, is at the peak of some coolio shits high mountain. tell me dear friend, how am i supposed to do that. i need to be bionic.

i'll be watching adil go against HWACH at the ARENA this sat with sheilocks! woo! this is uber coolios!

3- is a crowd
3- is awesome
but only 1 matters.

a let down

i dont mind cocky people generally
but i really mind cocky people with no style (and maybe.. no substance)
they just make me have no reason to want to talk to them even
unless i really have to

im losing faith in things..
life is tough

as much as i love life in RJ, i guess sometimes there were good things that happened in RG that i overlooked. now i realize that i do have smth that i was happy about. the fact that we had more cooperative ppl in RG who were easier to be 'controlled' and managed. have i mellowed over the years? have i soften up coming to RJ? gosh i need strength.

i remember those times when me, popats, mary and nad 'escaped' from angklong prac bcoz kak faridah just refused to let us go from angklong prac.. and so we ran away during the break.. and had teachers looking all over the school for us.. (so drama rite i know.) but that is exactly the kind of passion that im referring to. you go into the room, and it's already full with people.. maybe more than 20 of them.. some acting, some just coming to watch. that is exactly what i thought i'd see now. but perhaps things are meant to change when 2 different worlds combine to be one. you need to let go off certain perks and receive others. it's just that i cant see what im receiving yet. what have i gained in return for those i lost? nothing. (hopefully, it's jsut as of now)

i used to think i was such a beast when my juniors tell me they were scared of me. and i so wanted to reverse that perception they had of me. but now that im granted the reverse, i think for the better good, i'd rather be the mean beast than be the person who causes a disastrous play to set loose.

God. what have i done.
ive sinned so much.

do it anyway

ayee-ayee-ayee..
i've FINALLY told my parents my results. hehe. like the D and U part of the results
and their reactions were like 'U?!! U NEVER STUDYY?!'
yes. exactlyy.
U = Never Study.



i went to pay my super long overdue phone bills just now.. and it wasss like 86bucks for 3 months? hehe. then my father was asking me with whose money i used to pay the bills and i said it was mine! then he like so generously searched his pockets if he had 86 bucks to gimme! haha! like so unusual? usually bills are supposed to be paid by me since it comes as a form of punishment. but i've been a good girl this year. my bills doesnt exceed the plan. so hoorah! considering it used to be 90bucks a month in secondary school? however, my mom will still emphasize on the fact that her 20bucks prepaid card lasts her 6months. imba. respect.



eeeeeeeeeeeeeecons lecture today was funnyyyy!
let's see if i remember. of coz i do! coz i jot it all down! whawhahwa



lecturer: you need to stop talking ah. all these chattering is very destructive.
(HAHA! just imagine. *chatter chatter* and the next thing u noe.. *KABOOM!!!* the LT, in shambles.)



lecturer: the poor will remains poor!
(like totally remains man)



lecturer: cyCRIKER unemPROYment!
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!! try saying unemproyment many many times.
lets play a game...
whoever can say unemproyment 40times within a minute gets a lolli!



lecturer: its let! (it lets)



isnt econs fun.


i wonder if tehres anyone in school who ends A's earlier than me. haha mine ends on the 13th of nov. =D! woopeedoo. but in that whole of the 2 weeks packed wth brainboiling papers, i have only 3 days of break in between papers! so good luck to me. good luck to me for having malay P2 and History P2 on the same day, and malay P1 the day before. gooooood larks!!!






God is great,
but sometimes life ain't good
When i pray,
it doesnt always turn out like i think it should...
But i do it anyway.

God, ive sinned. so much.

a shopper's paradise! wooooo.
i made popats follow me to mustafa centre after drama prac yesterdayyy. HAHA of all places rite.. but really it's awesomes! popats hasnt been to mustafa for ages.. come to think of it, how is that even possible.. so i gave her a tour round mustafaaa! haha! to the sports apparel... to the supermarket... to the fridge-fridge areaaaa... to the coooolix stationery areaaa... to the funkeeyy art and partyy area!.. and to littleindia's little kinokuniya! hahaha! funfunfun stuff at mustafa! haha we shud really consider going to mustafa for learning journey or smth =D!

down. down. down. down.

do you know what it feels like to have had thrown something out of impulse, then a few years later, you search for it and realize that a few years ago, you actually threw it away out of rage.

have you ever had that feeling where you see the person you were a few years ago as being a totally different person now? u read chronicles about you a few years back, and it's like being a character in 'The Time Traveller's Wife' where you meet your-past-self and yet, you cant seem to identify with her.

today, something made me look at my super messy shelf and search for a particular book. but what i came across was a small book, which i remember, i used in sec 2 to jot down thoughts. so i read the content.

level of maturity: 3/10
handwriting: 4/10

but i think. i was happy. so i wanted to find out more.. what i have forgotten and i remember that i once kept a personal diary in my drawer. that was when i found out that it was nolonger there. coz i threw it away a few years ago, since i thought it'd be of no value to me in future. but i was wrong. i need that piece of crap now. coz i need to pull myself out of this state of .. neglect.

goddd.. i've sinned so much..
so much that it feels all empty inside.

people take for granted what they have now,
when they lose what they have now in future,
they start regretting
and realizing that they should have been better then.
but all they do is regret
and not reflect.

that. is. exactly. my. problem.

pollypockets

rain rain dint go away

so we had to come again another day.

polo finals was postponed till tmr! and luo's hci friend gave me a shock when he told luo that they won the game. like WWWWTTTTHHH rite. i know. during the match, we had many wth moments with a lot of things..

firstly, wth: the RJ mascot.. (how cute i know rite)

secondly, wth: monkey assholes from some school with blue bottom and white top with the school name ending with a sound mebbe only a dog produce, kept on HITTING me and luO! like literally hitting and not trying to flirt. see. God is fair. no guys hit on me so He had some morons HIT on me just now.
thirdly, wth: monkey assholes started bursting OUR clappers , OUR clappers

fourth, wth: monkeys hci kept pushing our players into the pool in an attempt to drown them or smth? yes?

fifth, wth: it started raining, so we stayed there for like 30mins waiting for the rain to go away but to no avail.. it got postponed anw.

sixth, wth: is there a 6 wth. ok wth. oh YES the atm machine is school wasnt wroking!!! MONSTER!!!

seventh, wth: no buses came to my busstop at 655am which made me miss my 658train. hence i was nearly late for school. nEARLYY.

but on hindsight! polo team was eeeemba! the 4 of us who were there thought that seantan was a little scary coz .. he was just scary. but he played well! so did the rest! eemba! tmr surely win! we are like what 3 points ahead? mebbe? ok here are some peeeektures i managed to capture with my 2megapixel phone. hwahwa.




HAHA! RJ FTW!











out with the umbrella-ella-ella-ehs. =(


hoping for good newws tmr! im quite sure we're gonna win. just hope that rugby do well also. although someone mentioned that he wasnt sure whether ornot RJrugby could win this year. haha

moving on!

i went to shop at Daiso today! funfunfun! but i looked like a lost maid coz i bought many bottles of spray for popat's character and a lot of nonsense. anw i spent like 25bucks at 'Made with Love' and omg it's seriously LOVEE! i had some experiments just now.. i just hope that my mom won't find out about this heehee.

I AM DONE WITH POPAT's puspawati-belt! and YAY it looks like what a very-innovated cleaner would wear. i made meekie model on it just now and it looks cooooooooooooolshits! with the spray hanging from it and all. haha! anw.. just now i was showing my mom my projectrunway-belt piece (HAHA) and was telling her about how cool and innovative it was.. and she looked at it and with a scrunged up face (like u noe deciding whther to be impressed or not) she said, "you planning to be a cleaner or what!!". hahaaaaaa!! ok it may not seem thta funny at all.. but u see the way my mom says anythingatall, it makes anyone who hears her laugh really hard. haha! so ok it was funny. funny.

amelina and her mom are very cute ppl! i've started matchmaking ppl who in my opinion suit each other.. and amelina's my first client! ok not client.. my first you-noe-what. i told her about it yesterday night and went on talking about it until 3am in the morning. hahaaa cute!

i need to post pictures soon. my blog's starting to look empty and boring.

character.

i realize that i havent been camwhoring for quite some time! that is so un-me. i remember those days when i used to bring the camera to school everyday and camwhore with mainly melho, luo and teoteokies HAHA. ooh the memory of it all.

anw drama praaac! im starting to have hope. woo! this is coooolee shits. as much as i hate to drag myself to school on saturdays, im starting to enjoy every single drama session with the casts and co. especially with badots like fawaz nabhan syafiq taa to make u laugh the oxygen out of ur lungs hwahwa! (which makes me realize that i havent had a hard laugh for a longlong time. i think im growing to be quite quiet yes? haha! no joke no joke! =P )

anddd especially when the casts look good acting, it makes every single sweat worth the while. (altho sweat is non-existent cause LT2's aircon comes directly from the northpole and freezes everything in it, including us. zomgz. and especially when u take airsmayang then u go into the room and u go like OOOOOOOOOOMGGG i cant feel my hands and legs!)

INCENTIVES! i've decided to award ppl who firstly, come for drama prac, secondly, perform well during drama prac, and thirdly behave well during drama prac. i'm sooo gonna be broke soon. esp with nabhan's constant reminders "chocolate eh chocolate?" ahaha i think thats the only thing that motivates him.. anw he got the hershey's choc just now since he was the last person to leave drama prac haha.. but he was so nice coz he shared it with the remaining ppl (me syafiq taa). so i decided to give the best behaved chocolate prize to him (altho he was literally like a monkey throughout the whole drama prac) haha. anw that chocolate, we found on the stage. so heck. no loss on my part =D

3 more scenes to block then we;re down with the scripts. woo. i hope this will pull off. i really hope.

ooh besar. CONGRATULATIONS MARYlambs FOR WINNING PIDATO! HIDOP MELAYOO! <3<3<3!>

relative. relative.

that feeling u get, when someone comments on smth which indirectly embarrasses you.
it's the feeling u get, when u are supposed to know better but got 'corrected' by someone u dint really expect it to come from.
a feeling that leaves u speechless, without solution, without a clue where to hide your face.
u know the feeling?

uhuh. im pathetic.

which is good. im reading the book Nineteen Minutes now... (which is taking uber long to finsh coz i read 10pages everyday.. haha!) and there was this line which talks about bad experiences..

the more the sad/bad things in your life, the more you'll appreciate happiness when u get it.

hence, i conclude that the happiest ppl are also the ppl who went thru lots of shit in life before being in the current state/situation they are in. therefore, i will be the happiest woman on earth.. someday or another. =) tahts being pessimistic and optimistic and pompous all in one. ha-ha.

ok one more feeling and i'm done for the day..

the feeling u get when u are watching a particular channel.. perhaps.. discovery channel.. very engrossed in it.. and then someone comes and changes the channel to AXN supreme sunday CSI! it's not like u mind (u LOVE csi).. it's just the sudden change and appearance of the channel makes u speechless and not act the way u would when u really watch AXN supremesundayCSI!
it's a feeling when u werent prepared to face a nice reality/change.

the most pathetic thing which could happen is to lose that feeling and experience all in just 10secs.

i dont think anyone could relate themselves to that.
cause im me.