i dont mind cocky people generally
but i really mind cocky people with no style (and maybe.. no substance)
they just make me have no reason to want to talk to them even
unless i really have to
im losing faith in things..
life is tough
as much as i love life in RJ, i guess sometimes there were good things that happened in RG that i overlooked. now i realize that i do have smth that i was happy about. the fact that we had more cooperative ppl in RG who were easier to be 'controlled' and managed. have i mellowed over the years? have i soften up coming to RJ? gosh i need strength.
i remember those times when me, popats, mary and nad 'escaped' from angklong prac bcoz kak faridah just refused to let us go from angklong prac.. and so we ran away during the break.. and had teachers looking all over the school for us.. (so drama rite i know.) but that is exactly the kind of passion that im referring to. you go into the room, and it's already full with people.. maybe more than 20 of them.. some acting, some just coming to watch. that is exactly what i thought i'd see now. but perhaps things are meant to change when 2 different worlds combine to be one. you need to let go off certain perks and receive others. it's just that i cant see what im receiving yet. what have i gained in return for those i lost? nothing. (hopefully, it's jsut as of now)
i used to think i was such a beast when my juniors tell me they were scared of me. and i so wanted to reverse that perception they had of me. but now that im granted the reverse, i think for the better good, i'd rather be the mean beast than be the person who causes a disastrous play to set loose.
God. what have i done.
ive sinned so much.