my heart feels VERY VERY heavy. it's like somebody just placed a 50kg weight into it. eff it. stop the world from dying. have u ever felt this feeling where you've taken someone for granted.. like u need not care about them.. never came across that u shud appreciate them for they are.. then suddenly u hear news about him/her being diagnosed with cancer... advanced stage already. it feels like shit. especially when she's the same age as you, and is your cousin.
me and n were discussing jsut now. many many people around are dying of cancer. why is it such a tcbih(unscramble)?! which leads me to saying that.. i am feeling VERY VERY insecure. i am young. so what. next moment IIII may be the one who's being diagnosed with some freakingeffingcancer. SHIT. I HATE THIS FEELING SHIT.
i should start taking more brocollis. i shall research on cancers. and make sure i get my loved ones to be aware of this too. i cant bear to see anyone close to be die of cancer anymore. shit. people eat brocollis. lower ur intake of processed food. eff. i noe cursing doesnt help. but i cant help it. sorry. all i can do now is to pray for her recovery. and pray for my wellbeing. NO MORE CANNED DRINKS.
i have been taking LIFE for granted. ive always screwed life. life is unfair life is unfair. but ive never worked towards making it better for me. now im certain.. that i need to change for the better. it may be too late later on in life. i need to start changing now. as cliche as it sounds, it's THE REALITY, noone lives forever, and death can just be at our front gate now. he can decide exactly when to ring the bell. it's not our call to make him wait. but how we end our lives, we can decide that for oursleves.
I SHALL APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE SOUL AROUND ME ( i.e. GREET BUS UNCLE)
I SHALL SEE THE WONDERS OF LIFE
I SHALL NOT BE A POMPOUS PRAT AND COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN
I SHALL DIE KNOWING THAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED MY GOALS
but most of all.. (short term)
I SHALL STUDY STUDY STUDY
till death do us part.
things happen for a reason.
and i think this is mine.